domingo, 23 de julho de 2006

sábado, 22 de julho de 2006

Paraíso Filmes, quem s'alembra?






NÃO esquecer de ver o linquezinho logo ao lado do que foi posto no YouTube :D

terça-feira, 11 de julho de 2006

What I know about women ...

Alice Cooper 58, rock musician, married

My kids always ask how you know when you're in love, and I tell them that you don't really have a say in it. When you fall in love you are completely helpless. And if you have to work at a relationship you're not really in love. When you meet that one person you're literally stunned. I met my wife Sheryl when I was 27, and she was 18,when she danced in my Welcome to my Nightmare show. She was the ballerina in Only Women Bleed, and she did all the parts which my daughter, who's 25 and looks identical to her, plays now. Sheryl looks like a cross between Jessica Lange and, at certain angles, Jennifer Lopez. She's a ballet teacher now, so she's very classy but a total rocker.

I was going out with a huge movie star when I met Sheryl. It was a chaotic time in my life - I had a lot of girls every night but never a girlfriend. I was dating Racquel Welch, at her prime. She was like a battleship, and then there was Sheryl - a 90-pound ballerina, and I was just in love with her, this little waif. One day I woke up and realised she was the girl I was going to marry. And there weren't any doubts in my mind. And there was never a thought that I'd still screw around. I've never cheated on her, because I'm a total romancer.

Women still throw themselves at me every day and every night, not because I'm handsome, but because I'm Alice Cooper, I'm a rock star. But the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt her. I've learned something from women that's really important - that men are microwaves, and women are pressure cookers. Women love romance, while men love sex. And I'm sure women love sex too, but they need the stuff leading up to it... flowers, dating. Men don't get that. If guys really got it they would wait six dates before trying to get a girl into bed. It makes it more exciting for one thing. There's no mystery if you just click your fingers - there's no not being able to sleep at night, no losing your appetite. Romance is the missing element that most men don't understand. I still date my wife. We have three kids, but every once in a while I'll pick her up at her dance studio and take her to a motel.

Women are fascinating. I chose to be called Alice Cooper for shock value. Names like Black Sabbath or Death Patrol are just too obvious. Alice Cooper needed to be that thing that people couldn't figure out. It was Los Angeles, 1967, and we were five guys, who didn't mind wearing women's clothes, but were all very heterosexual. All the groupies loved the fact that we'd wear their slips with black leather pants and motorcycle boots, and all of a sudden we were this 'thing'. Glam, but rough, so the name Alice Cooper was something that was going to piss off every mother in America. They're expecting some blond folk singer, and they got us - a pre-Clockwork Orange Clockwork Orange. We were more of a gang than a band.

I'll never understand women. There's a joke - God sees this guy in San Francisco whom he really likes, and tells him: 'I'm going to give you anything you want'. So the guy says: 'I have a house in Maui. I'd like a bridge that goes from San Francisco to Maui.' So God says: 'OK, but I'm going to give you 24 hours to think about that. Tell me again tomorrow.' So he comes back the next day and the guy says: 'Forget the bridge - I want to understand women.' God says: 'Do you want that bridge four lanes, or two?' See? It's easier to build a bridge than understand women.

That's the great thing though. I've been married for 30 years and think I know everything there is to know about Sheryl but then, every once in a while, I get a surprise. It makes it interesting. Women's mystique is the greatest thing. That's why they should never bare it all - they're always sexier with something on.

sábado, 8 de julho de 2006

sexta-feira, 7 de julho de 2006

quinta-feira, 6 de julho de 2006

11 Examples of Unusual Mating Habits

1. PENGUINS
Penguins prefer to be `married', but they suffer long separations due to their migratory habits. When reunited, a pair will stand breast to breast, heads thrown back, singing loudly, with outstretched flippers trembling. Two weeks after a pair is formed, their union is consummated. The male makes his intentions known by laying his head across his partner's stomach. They go on a long trek to find privacy, but the actual process of intercourse takes only three minutes. Neither penguin will mate again that year.
The male Adele penguin must select his mate from a colony of more than a million, and he indicates his choice by rolling a stone at the female's feet. Stones are scarce at mating time because many are needed to build walls around nests. It becomes commonplace for penguins to steal them from one another. If she accepts this gift, they stand belly to belly and sing a mating song.

2. HIPPOPOTAMI
Hippos have their own form of aromatherapy. Hippos attract mates by marking territory, urinating and defecating at the same time. Then, an enamored hippo will twirl its tail like a propellor to spread this delicious slop in every direction. This attracts lovers, and a pair will begin foreplay, which consists of playing by splashing around in the water before settling down to business.

3. THE MALE UGANDA KOB
Exhaustion is the frequent fate of the male Uganda kob, an African antelope. Like many species of birds and mammals, the kob roams in a social group until the mating season, when the dominant male establishes a mating territory, or lek. But the females decide which territory they wish to enter and then pick the male they think most attractive. He then mates with all the females until he is too weak to continue (usually due to lack of food) and is replaced by another.

4. SQUID
Squid begin mating with a circling nuptial dance. Teams of squid revolve around across a `spawning bed' a 200 metres in diameter. At daybreak they begin having sex and continue all day long - they only take a break so the female can drive down and deposit eggs. When she returns to the circle, the two go at it again. As twilight falls, the pair go offshore to eat and rest. At the first sign of sunlight, they return to their spot and do it all over again. This routine can last up to two weeks, ensuring a healthy population of squid.

5. PORCUPINES
The answer to one of our oldest jokes: `How do porcupines do it?' `Veeery carefully!' is not quite true. The truth is more bizarre than dangerous. Females are only receptive for a few hours a year. As summer approaches, young females become nervous and very excited. Next, they go off their food, and stick close by the males and mope. Meanwhile the male becomes aggressive with other males, and begins a period of carefully sniffing every place the female of his choice urinates, smelling her all over. This is a tremendous aphrodisiac. While she is sulking by his side, he begins to `sing'.
When he is ready to make love, the female runs away if she's not ready. If she is in the mood, they both rear up and face each other, belly-to-belly. Then, males spray their ladies with a tremendous stream of urine, soaking their loved one from head to foot - the stream can shoot as far as 7 feet.
If they're not ready, females respond by 1) objecting verbally 2) hitting with front paws like boxers 3) trying to bite 4) shaking off the urine. When ready, they accept the bath. This routine can go on for weeks. Six months after the beginning of courtship, the female will accept any male she has been close to. The spines and quills of both go relaxed and flat, and the male enters from behind. Mating continues until the male is worn out. Every time he tries to stop, the female wants to continue. If he has given up, she chooses another partner, only now she acts out the male role. To `cool off', females engage in the same courtship series, step-by-step, in reverse order.
It is advised never to stand close to a cage that contains courting porcupines.

6. GEESE
Two male geese may form a homosexual bond and prefer each other's company to any female's. Sometimes, however, a female may interpose herself between them during such a courtship, and be quickly fertilised. They will accept her, and weeks later the happy family of three can be seen attending to its tiny newborn goslings.

7. WHITE-FRONTED PARROTS
These birds, native to Mexico and and Central America, are believed to be the only species besides humans to kiss. Before actually mating, male and female will lock their beaks and gently flick their tongues together. If kissing is satisfying for both parties, the male boldly takes the next step, by regurgitating his food for his girlfriend, to show his love. White-fronted parrots also share parenting, unlike many other species. When the female lays her one egg, both parents take turns incubating it. When the baby hatches, the couple feed and care for their offspring together.

8. GRASSHOPPERS
Why are grasshoppers so noisy? It's because they're singing to woo their partners. They have as many as 400 distinct songs, which they sing during their courtship and mating cycles. Some males have a different song for each distinct mating period - for example, there may be a flirting song, then a mating song.

9. SEAGULLS
Lesbian mating is practised by between 8% and 14% of the seagulls on the Santa Barbara islands, off the California coast. Lesbian gulls go through all the motions of mating, and they lay sterile eggs. Homosexual behaviour is also known in geese, ostriches, cichlid fish, squid, rats and monkeys.

10. RED-SIDED GARTER SNAKES
These snakes are small and poisonous, and live in Canada and the Northwestern United States. Their highly unusual mating takes place during an enormous orgy. Twenty-five thousand snakes slither together in a large den, eager to copulate. In that pile, one female may have as many as 100 males vying for her. These `nesting balls' grow as large as two feet high. Now and then a female is crushed under the heavy mound - and the males are so randy that they continue to copulate, becoming the only necrophiliac snakes!

11. LYNX SPIDERS
When a male lynx spider feels the urge, he will capture his beauty in his web and wrap her in silk. Offering her this elegant meal (the silken web) is his way of wooing. When the mood is right, the female, distracted by her feast, will allow her suitor to mount her and begin mating. Oblivious, she ignores him and enjoys her supper.

terça-feira, 4 de julho de 2006

sexta-feira, 30 de junho de 2006

quinta-feira, 29 de junho de 2006

quarta-feira, 28 de junho de 2006

Beowulf & Grendel



I'm a sucker for obscure 8th Century (or so) Old English poetry, so when I saw that Beowulf and Grendel had been made, my inner lit geek trembled with equal parts trepidation and excitement. Danes and Geats fighting an evil troll, descended from Cain, the first murderer? Oh, yeah. And there's something to be said for manly Geat warriors strutting around in dead animal capes and carrying enormous swords. But what if they messed the story of Beowulf up? What if it was as bad as the godawful 1999 sci-fi version starring Christopher Lambert? Fortunately, in the hands of Sturla Gunnarsson, Beowulf and Grendel is a masterful film that fleshes out the decidedly one-sided epic poem, bringing Grendel to life with a humanity and warmth that adds layers of meaning to the old tale.

In John C. Gardner's novel Grendel, the author told the story of Beowulf from Grendel's point of view, going heavy on the darkish philosophy and making Grendel a nihilist who had deep conversations with dragons and came to view himself as the creator of the Danes. Scribe Andrew Rai Berzins, in penning the script for Beowulf and Grendel, takes a somewhat different tack, imbuing his Grendel with a deeper level of humanity and a reason for attacking the Danes. Beowulf (Gerard Butler, so perfectly cast he could have stepped right out of the ancient manuscript) [:D :D] is still heroic, but he is a hero with a conscience. Beowulf hears of the plight of the Danes, who have been plauged with attacks by a murderous troll. Distantly related to Danish King Hrothgar (Stellan Skarsgård), and being the heroic and manly warrior that he is, Beowulf sets sail with 14 of his strongest men in his mighty longboat , intent upon quickly and heroically relieving the troll of his head.

When Beowulf and crew arrive in Daneland, however, it soon becomes apparent to Beowulf that all is not as it seems, and that he's not getting the full story from the king. King Hrothgar built a spectacular mead hall, but he and his people are unable to sleep in it or enjoy it properly, because the pesky troll keeps coming along and killing people. It's starting to demoralize King Hrothgar's people, and Hrothgar, himself once a mighty warrior, now finds himself entrenched in gloom, despair, and too much beer. Mysterious asides about the troll, Grendel, from the local witch, Selma (Sarah Polley), start to make Beowulf question just why exactly Grendel has targeted King Hrothgar's hall -- and why he only kills men, never women and children. When Beowulf realizes that Hrothgar has brought Grendel's wrath upon himself, he suddenly finds himself unsure of whether to fulfill his promise to kill the troll. Into all this chaos also comes Brendan the Celt (Eddie Marsan), a wandering priest who, when he stumbles across the situation with Grendel, decides he has been divinely called to bring faith in God to Hrothgar and his people.

This is a very complex story with a lot of characters, each with their own motivations. Hrothgar is bent under the weight of the destruction of his people, caused by an act he committed, and has evolved from proud warrior to drunken king in the space of a decade-and-a-half. Selma, the outsider who lives alone in a cave, is an 8th century feminist of sorts -- sexual, fiercely independent and proud -- and has a mysterious relationship with the troll. She can also supposedly see people's deaths, and so Beowulf hunts her out to learn both about Grendel and the predicted outcome of his quest. Grendel, although he doesn't speak the language of the Danes, is far more human than any of them would like to admit. He's taller than the Danes by a good foot or more, and he's not too pretty to look at, but what do you expect from someone whose mother was a sea hag and father was a troll? Yet, in spite of his rough exterior, Grendel's actions show him in many ways to be more intelligent, more human, than those who are trying to kill him. And Beowulf, of course, wants to be the highly sung hero, and yet when he realizes that the fault of the conflict may not lie all on Grendel's side (and does any conflict ever have only one side, after all?), he is torn between the honor of his promise to Hrothgar and doing what is morally right.

The film was beautifully shot in a remote part of Iceland, where the cast and crew endured unbelievably harsh conditions, including 160 MPH winds. I felt cold just watching the actors on-screen; the constant wind, especially, grows to serve as almost a character in and of itself. The makeup and effects harken back to pre-CGi days (remember those?); Gunnarsson wanted a CGI-free film, so designer Nick Dudman (who is no slouch, having also created the prosthetics for the Harry Potter films) had to do things the old-fashioned way -- with a lot of creativity and ingenuity. The starkly beautiful lcelandic landscape also serves to set tone, transporting us back to those long-ago days when men were warriors with monsters to slay and women were queens, drudges or whores. The hair, makeup and costume design lends a hand to setting the scene as well; Beowulf and his fellow Geats are warriors, yes, but they are vain warriors with handsome cloaks and jewelry braided into their beards. Grendal looks both fierce and human.

In addition, the acting is great. Skarsgård is perfectly cast as the moody, downtrodden king whose world has been upturned by the consequences of an act of cruelty mitigated by an act of kindness, and Butler is perfect as the intelligent, fierce warrior who revels in his heroism while nonetheless recognizing that what he does is just a job, and not a very glamorous one at that. Sigurðsson, who is apparently quite famous in is native Iceland, has perhaps the toughest job of the cast: He must bring to life and fill with humanity a character who has not one line of distinguishable dialogue. Oddly, the only weak link in the cast was Polley, who I normally like very much. In a film where everyone is speaking with accents, her decidedly Canadian voice was distracting. That's a minor quibble, though, because overall I really enjoyed the film. The adaptation of the tale adds texture to the ancient story that makes it more intriguing and meaninful, and there are some great touches of humor woven throughout to keep things from getting to heavy. Gunnarsson has made a film that would make the real Beowulf and Grendel, if they ever really existed, quite proud.


A lata

Nenhuma estreia digna de nota

A equipa do Cinecartaz não considerou nenhum dos filmes que estreiam esta semana como merecedor de um destaque. Se quiser ir ao cinema esta semana sugerimos um dos filmes já em exibição. Mas também pode ir ao teatro, a uma exposição ou a um concerto.

quarta-feira, 21 de junho de 2006

sexta-feira, 16 de junho de 2006

A flor do Dharma

É clicar para aumentar :)


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sexta-feira, 9 de junho de 2006

Rex!!!



"I was kayaking Fuller Lake in the spring and my dogs followed me on the shore, desperately trying to keep an eye on me. They'd rush up in front of me on the shore and wait and just gaze as I paddled by, then run along the shore for another vantage point. I love German Shepherds. I get 92% of my self-esteem from my dogs. They think I'm a god."

quinta-feira, 8 de junho de 2006

terça-feira, 6 de junho de 2006

Em honra do Tolstoi


De quem aguardamos fotos :)

Great Escapes!
Some hamsters are like Houdini! If yours escapes here's a tip for recapture. If you aren't sure which room your hamster is in, place very small piles of food in the corner of every room and see which one disappears. Then put approximately 3cm of wood shavings and some bedding in a bucket and place it in the room.

Make steps up the outside of the bucket using books and finally put some strong smelling food, e.g. cabbage, in the bucket. Your hamster should smell the food, climb into the bucket, land softly onto the bedding, but won't be able to get out again!

Este é o Hamster de K. Akagami :)

Ontem vi um bebé pit-bull

Era uma fofura assim, que já tinha uma corrente estranguladora ao pescoço (as palavras são o que são) e que já estava a ser preparado para matar (os rótulos que pomos aos donos são o q são). Mais tarde virão as orelhas cortadas...
Não me costuma dar para desabafos, mas enfim...