My kids always ask how you know when you're in love, and I tell them that you don't really have a say in it. When you fall in love you are completely helpless. And if you have to work at a relationship you're not really in love. When you meet that one person you're literally stunned. I met my wife Sheryl when I was 27, and she was 18,when she danced in my Welcome to my Nightmare show. She was the ballerina in Only Women Bleed, and she did all the parts which my daughter, who's 25 and looks identical to her, plays now. Sheryl looks like a cross between Jessica Lange and, at certain angles, Jennifer Lopez. She's a ballet teacher now, so she's very classy but a total rocker.
I was going out with a huge movie star when I met Sheryl. It was a chaotic time in my life - I had a lot of girls every night but never a girlfriend. I was dating Racquel Welch, at her prime. She was like a battleship, and then there was Sheryl - a 90-pound ballerina, and I was just in love with her, this little waif. One day I woke up and realised she was the girl I was going to marry. And there weren't any doubts in my mind. And there was never a thought that I'd still screw around. I've never cheated on her, because I'm a total romancer.
Women still throw themselves at me every day and every night, not because I'm handsome, but because I'm Alice Cooper, I'm a rock star. But the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt her. I've learned something from women that's really important - that men are microwaves, and women are pressure cookers. Women love romance, while men love sex. And I'm sure women love sex too, but they need the stuff leading up to it... flowers, dating. Men don't get that. If guys really got it they would wait six dates before trying to get a girl into bed. It makes it more exciting for one thing. There's no mystery if you just click your fingers - there's no not being able to sleep at night, no losing your appetite. Romance is the missing element that most men don't understand. I still date my wife. We have three kids, but every once in a while I'll pick her up at her dance studio and take her to a motel.
Women are fascinating. I chose to be called Alice Cooper for shock value. Names like Black Sabbath or Death Patrol are just too obvious. Alice Cooper needed to be that thing that people couldn't figure out. It was Los Angeles, 1967, and we were five guys, who didn't mind wearing women's clothes, but were all very heterosexual. All the groupies loved the fact that we'd wear their slips with black leather pants and motorcycle boots, and all of a sudden we were this 'thing'. Glam, but rough, so the name Alice Cooper was something that was going to piss off every mother in America. They're expecting some blond folk singer, and they got us - a pre-Clockwork Orange Clockwork Orange. We were more of a gang than a band.
I'll never understand women. There's a joke - God sees this guy in San Francisco whom he really likes, and tells him: 'I'm going to give you anything you want'. So the guy says: 'I have a house in Maui. I'd like a bridge that goes from San Francisco to Maui.' So God says: 'OK, but I'm going to give you 24 hours to think about that. Tell me again tomorrow.' So he comes back the next day and the guy says: 'Forget the bridge - I want to understand women.' God says: 'Do you want that bridge four lanes, or two?' See? It's easier to build a bridge than understand women.
That's the great thing though. I've been married for 30 years and think I know everything there is to know about Sheryl but then, every once in a while, I get a surprise. It makes it interesting. Women's mystique is the greatest thing. That's why they should never bare it all - they're always sexier with something on.